literature

true north.

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Literature Text

There were days counted by the number of moons that waxed and waned in her mouth, days carved out of the fluted chest of some beached whale, bones whistling in the winter wind. There were days punctuated by how many suicide notes were swallowed down with a shot of whiskey, days gathered together from the charcoal of a thousand wasted yesterdays, I built all these bridges and became a wickerman fit for burning.

I have stared giants in the eye, have sunk through bleached reefs where sharks bleed, have split my sides open to let out some of the sadness welling in my chest. I count days with her mouth as the sundial, I rotate like the shadows of great pines, I am sick of writing about depression. I want to write about her instead.

Her, with teeth plucked from the jaws of fierce bears, eyes that have stared at the sun for too long, fingers worn down to the bone from feeling too much, fighting too much, healing too little. Her, that is healing now, re-stitching her seams and rediscovering the pockets of herself unscarred, untouched by tragedy, places she forgot about, places she never knew. Her, stood looking into the mirror with saucer eyes and not shrinking from the reflection there, reburying her bones in soft layers of gossamer skin. Her, not needing anyone else to love when she loves herself so deeply, when she loves herself so completely, when she, when she, when she -

I have marked my calendar with fragments of a map, I am trying to find my way to her but the seas are misty and the seas are cold. It is winter and I am alone. It is winter and I am not lonely. I have found worlds inside myself, but there are crooked mountain frowns and indigo ribbon rivers to cross before my rattling feet reach her. I am spending the nights staring at the sun, I am battling fierce bears who roar with tragic hues. But when I reach her, buried deep in true north, I will no longer need to count the days spent shackled to the bed miserable, tied to the chair aching and forlorn and self-loathing, but will count the infinities spent looking in the mirror with saucer eyes and not shrinking from the reflection there.

My fingers are bones, it is time to heal now.
29/11/15
don't worry - I have recovered from depression for nearly two years now. this isn't really about depression anyway, more about the person i used to be.

it's basically a love note to the person i want to be - a person who is in the process of healing, and forgiving, and loving themself. i am getting towards my goal, i just need to keep my compass true.
The Under-Loved, Vol. 18

2/12/15 DLR Daily Lit Recognition for December 2nd, 2015
© 2015 - 2024 comatose-comet
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TitanicsSister's avatar
You've captured a universe full of of truth, beauty, and courage in a few exquisitely written paragraphs.

You are easily as gifted as any famous poet. I believe you surpass many of them.  

I am so glad that you are whole again, my friend. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.