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I used to fall for boys who were lost,
wandering aimlessly between the mountain-folds of reality.
nomads, they spent the days counting stars and the nights
looking for the sun. their eyes roamed and their hands travelled,
staying in my heart for days or weeks, before continuing to
search for the way to their various destinations,
to the clouds or to the ground
leaving me in place, in a city I could traverse with my eyes

Until I met a boy who was found,
had the universe tattooed on the back of his hand.
he read me like a survey map, knew his way around
my tangled forest of a mind, could trace paths through
my bramble eyes and he could follow the blue
rivers of my veins, would not fall into the railway
tracks scissored across my elbows,
but he was a city I could not traverse with my eyes

I went from being found to being lost,
swimming in his mouth unaware of which way was up
which way was down and I pitched my tent in his heart
one night when he was telling me the way to rome
how to find the eiffel tower and I packed my things
one day when he was writing postcards to far off friends
whispering that I was going to continue to
search for my way
into the outspread arms of greece, to fit
my feet into italy’s shoe, to dance
over the swiss borders, to pull the iron curtains

(I remembered how to get to the eiffel tower though,
waited under its metal feet for days, but he met a girl
who had the planet memorised, he had his tattoo removed,
losing his way somewhere in the depths of
atlantic eyes)
I don't know why I find maps to be so romantic but they just are I have also noticed that just when I think I am lost, I meet someone more lost than me and feel, well, found. Of course, the opposite often happens too. I don't know which I prefer.

Critique questions: is the plotline/message clear?
                               are the line-breaks confusing? Which would you do differently?
                               what needs elaboration and what feels unnecessary?
Add a Comment:
TheEvilOvelords Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Just brilliant! :la:

All I have to say really ^^

comatose-comet Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much :D :hug:
TheEvilOvelords Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome!! Tight Hug 
comatose-comet Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for your lovely words - I planned for her to leave him first and then he moved on to another girl after their break up if that helps :) the railway tracks were the creases of the elbow - that line when you bend your arm crosses the veins which reminds me of railway bridges on maps. Yeah iron curtains is a reference of war-time Europe, I wanted something that could be shut and it was all I could think of! 
Thank you again for your comment :heart:
Mooyi Featured By Owner Jul 7, 2014  Student Writer
ooooh I see! I was picturing the wrong side of the elbow haha!
A-Shadow-Rose Featured By Owner Jul 3, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Wanderlust. :nod: :heart:
I'm gonna try to critique this piece in the future. ^^ 
comatose-comet Featured By Owner Jul 4, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you - I'd be honoured to have you critique my work :heart: :hug:
comatose-comet Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you - I'm glad you like it :love: :heart:
shep4life Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Welcome! I certainly did
Phantomtigers Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
My eyes start to glaze over whenever I look at maps, and not in a good way lol! I love this idea though :)
comatose-comet Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you :heart:
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Submitted on
July 1, 2014


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